Okay. Tis' that time of the year, once again, for the clever lads on this board whose consumate knowledge of rock 'n' roll is limitless and whose
understanding of fickle fans will, no doubt, provide much needed insight into the following penetrating question:
Who the FOOKALL are THE JONAS BROTHERS?!
Why are the Jonas Brothers such a HUGE band, especially here in the United States? What kind of SHIITE music is that which they play and sing? Why do all the girls buy their albums and SCREAM during their concerts as if they were experiencing their first-ever ORGASIMS even though these guys have sworn not to have BOOZE, DRUGS or SEX until they are married? How can they call themselves a ROCK 'N' ROLL BAND if they don't have SEX, BOOZE and DRUGS?! I hate them! Whenever they appear on TV shows here in the States, I watch for a few seconds, just to see what I am missing or to see if they have improved, and then (I can't help myself) I feel a sudden urge to rip FLESH from my face, jam SHARDS of broken glass into my eyes, fire off a CANNON next to my ears and, yes, run to the nearest SLADEFEST and vomit into my shoes!
So, PLEASE, tell me that if Slade were reincarnated ala the monster band they were during the mid-1970s, and Slade came to America, today, that (this time) they would take the States by STORM and people would love them and girls would SCREAM during their concerts like they were having their first-ever ORGASIMS, and everyone would say, "The Jonas Brothers?! Who the FOOKALL are the Jonas Brothers?! Get off the stage, Jonas Brothers, you EMBARASSING-TOTAL-MOTHER-FOOKALL-WANKERS!" And that everyone would start stomping and hurling bog-wrap and chanting, "We want SLADE! We want SLADE! WE WANT SLAAAAAAADE!" And then, at the peak of the wildness, Noddy, Dave, Jimmy-Jams and Don would run onto the stage wearing plaid and a mirrored hat, doc martin platforms and glittery braids, a pout and tight pants, and zebra-striped spandex... Uh-oh...
And there we might have a bit of problem, eh, lads? And a scratching of the noggin about how to dress the boyz who make noize in the year 2009? But then, again, current icon Lady Gaga dresses like Cindy Lauper's worst nightmare and nobody demands that SHE get off stage.
Then, of course, I fall into my fantasy of FANTASIES and wonder where Slade would have been in the late 1970s, 1980s and even today, had KISS never existed, and Slade had come over to the States dressed in black spandex as The Demon, Star Boy, Space Cadet and ZEBRA STRIPED DRUMMER MAN, all of them wearing black and white face paint? Can you imagine the enormity of it, what with Slade's arsonal of songs compared to KISS's puny play list? Slade would still be going strong, like KISS is still a BIG thing, even today. And instead of Gene Simmons and that fog-brained Ozzy Osborne basking in bygone glory, we'd have Noddy and Dave doing reality TV shows, Noddy's show being one where, well, ummm, ahhhh, and Dave's show being one where, uhhhh, ehhhhh, hmmmm... (Jimmy Jam's show about him playing badmenton against unique opponents in unique locales, ie., against astronauts on the space shuttle, against members of the Taliban along the Kyber Pass in Afganistan, and Don's show called, DO YOU REMEBER WHEN? where he competes against contestants and whomever forgets the most is declared the winner?) "Say,'Goodnight,' Gracie." Murlow
Who the FOOKALL are THE JONAS BROTHERS?!
Why are the Jonas Brothers such a HUGE band, especially here in the United States? What kind of SHIITE music is that which they play and sing? Why do all the girls buy their albums and SCREAM during their concerts as if they were experiencing their first-ever ORGASIMS even though these guys have sworn not to have BOOZE, DRUGS or SEX until they are married? How can they call themselves a ROCK 'N' ROLL BAND if they don't have SEX, BOOZE and DRUGS?! I hate them! Whenever they appear on TV shows here in the States, I watch for a few seconds, just to see what I am missing or to see if they have improved, and then (I can't help myself) I feel a sudden urge to rip FLESH from my face, jam SHARDS of broken glass into my eyes, fire off a CANNON next to my ears and, yes, run to the nearest SLADEFEST and vomit into my shoes!
So, PLEASE, tell me that if Slade were reincarnated ala the monster band they were during the mid-1970s, and Slade came to America, today, that (this time) they would take the States by STORM and people would love them and girls would SCREAM during their concerts like they were having their first-ever ORGASIMS, and everyone would say, "The Jonas Brothers?! Who the FOOKALL are the Jonas Brothers?! Get off the stage, Jonas Brothers, you EMBARASSING-TOTAL-MOTHER-FOOKALL-WANKERS!" And that everyone would start stomping and hurling bog-wrap and chanting, "We want SLADE! We want SLADE! WE WANT SLAAAAAAADE!" And then, at the peak of the wildness, Noddy, Dave, Jimmy-Jams and Don would run onto the stage wearing plaid and a mirrored hat, doc martin platforms and glittery braids, a pout and tight pants, and zebra-striped spandex... Uh-oh...
And there we might have a bit of problem, eh, lads? And a scratching of the noggin about how to dress the boyz who make noize in the year 2009? But then, again, current icon Lady Gaga dresses like Cindy Lauper's worst nightmare and nobody demands that SHE get off stage.
Then, of course, I fall into my fantasy of FANTASIES and wonder where Slade would have been in the late 1970s, 1980s and even today, had KISS never existed, and Slade had come over to the States dressed in black spandex as The Demon, Star Boy, Space Cadet and ZEBRA STRIPED DRUMMER MAN, all of them wearing black and white face paint? Can you imagine the enormity of it, what with Slade's arsonal of songs compared to KISS's puny play list? Slade would still be going strong, like KISS is still a BIG thing, even today. And instead of Gene Simmons and that fog-brained Ozzy Osborne basking in bygone glory, we'd have Noddy and Dave doing reality TV shows, Noddy's show being one where, well, ummm, ahhhh, and Dave's show being one where, uhhhh, ehhhhh, hmmmm... (Jimmy Jam's show about him playing badmenton against unique opponents in unique locales, ie., against astronauts on the space shuttle, against members of the Taliban along the Kyber Pass in Afganistan, and Don's show called, DO YOU REMEBER WHEN? where he competes against contestants and whomever forgets the most is declared the winner?) "Say,'Goodnight,' Gracie." Murlow
